As the title suggests, this will be done in installments, and here is the first. There are many things your facebook friends say, either as their ‘status’ or as posts, comments etc. I think they can be filtered down to five main categories: The ‘politician’: This is the kind of friend who wants to ‘congratulate’ people publicly, and I don’t just mean another friend for something they may have achieved, say a friend graduating, and I don’t mean people making a comment on someone’s action either. These people ‘directly address’ sports teams, politicians, bands performing and other activities. “Well done Usain Bolt” “Thank you James Blunt, you were fantastic” (often first name only, as they are obviously on first name terms). Of course this serves a hugely important purpose, it improves Bolt’s confidence, and Blunts’ perception of his performance, as both these people and others like them are hugely lacking in confidence. Still, what your friends are really saying is: ‘please can I have everybody’s attention, I am trying to make some noise, brand myself, appear to be trendy, into all things social, hey, listen to me, I am important’. They are mostly like that in real life too, and some do it better than others, but facebook gives a different level of opportunity since they can annoy more friends than in real life/real time. My impression is that these people are becoming fewer and fewer or at least there is a curve, some people who are new to facebook do it more and some more seasoned facebookers tend to get sick and tired of it and do it less. Some obviously will do it because they see a relevance of such ‘presence’ to what they do professionally, and even more will say this is the case. My guess is that these people did not get enough attention as children, but haven’t worked out this is not doing them any favours either, they probably now have quite a lot of ‘friends’ who see them as the facebook equivalent of Ned Flanders.  Level of annoyance 7/10.  

…obviously stolen online