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This is …exactly what it says on the tin. It is something I do a lot, be in London and observe and participate. For those of you in research, yes, participant observation, in the most naturalistic sense. So, here I am, taking pictures with my phone around London and thinking of captions to go with them

It’s Olympics time (see what I did there?) Let’s all pretend it wasn’t busy enough before…


You better know what you are doing here, otherwise huge people in even ‘huger’ screens or billboards will devour you!

Initially an innocent newcomer may think “Oh, how romantic”. What? You think these are a couple? His wife is in Birmingham and her husband is in Dubai. That’s how romantic.

“Well, yeah, I’d have thought you would have had enough with the ‘mirror mirror on the wall’ already, can you move on?”

So, say you land somewhere around King’s Cross in Londonland and walk southbound, as you should.

Buildings, old as sin, are looking down at you – what exactly are you doing here?


“oh, these foreigners, they are so noisy, dear, oh dear, oh dear!”


“Idiots, I am telling you. What did they want the park in the middle of the city? They could have had 5 great blocks of flats here, studios for students, they’d have made a fortune. And what do they have instead? Trees and squirrels running around and children playing! Idiots, I tell you, idiots” said the Athenian architect…

Fortunately when this place was designed somebody kept in mind that people will want to live here and maybe go for a walk in the park(s), so quite a few are in place.

When, at some point you’ve had enough of the British museum, which you will sooner or even sooner, you’ll keep walking and you’ll see that in London there are many many pretty girls around. Be careful.

…the male desire faces considerable challenges in central London…

…then again, this being London, there are always alternatives if you have the energy, time, interest and money to explore them. Often to be found next door to fancy restaurants, media firms and my favourite cafe in Soho.

“More gardens? Idiots…”

there are fewer people than you think in this picture…

Lack of inspiration? Taking the piss? well, if you are going to be a pretentious git, you might as well go all the way…

…now you know where they got their inspiration for the fifth element…

“…and you know what they say about men with big ears. Their …super-injunctions are also very big! From Central London, Andrew Marr for BBC News”

“yes, one would have thought that it would have been easier to get a bloody cab if one’s face is on the banknotes, wouldn’t one? Shut up Philip, I told you to book a cab a week ago!”

“yes, I may be 2m10cm big but inside I am soft and cuddly. Miaoh”

“so then, you have £3,000, no taste in clothes and you want a woollen coat that looks like a homeless person donated it to Oxfam after wearing it for 10 years, to get you through London’s version of mid-July? We have just the thing for you!”

Local galleries promoting local up-and-coming artists – Another Boris initiative!

it is all about equality, dignity …and sex

“And here is where rich people with privileged upbringing come together to rule other people”
“We have a place like that in Greece”
“Their fathers were in the same business, for the most part”
“Same as in Greece”
“Often they abuse their powers”
“Same as in Greece”
“But they also often get caught and sent to jail”
“Nice weather today, innit?”

Boris’s 100% guaranteed-to-work plan to eliminate knife crime in London, based on the exchange of cutlery for catchy slogans. (Tests still inconclusive in ‘souf’ London)

Welcoming cute little places to go for a coffee are hidden everywhere in London

“Idiots, I tell you, idiots”

And I thought I’d end on a high…

Yeah man, I know but she said, “If you like it then you better put a ring on it”